On an afternoon in February, I got the call after many rounds of IVF 500 needles and tons of blood tests: "Congratulations! It worked!"
I was so excited, tears of joys filling my eyes. The next stage of worry/delight began...
I couldn't believe it. "Could it possibly be true?" I wondered as I double checked myself with the stick test and at last saw the 2 lines I've been looking for. It was breathtaking. "Could this finally be real?"
"Wow!!! This is finally the year! This baby will be born right around my birthday! What a gift this would be!" -- all the positive notions that kept running through my head.
I did everything I was supposed to do, took every precaution and prayed and believed my dream had finally come true.
But every time we went to the doctor, something was a worry... first, there was no heartbeat. Then, a heartbeat, but not strong enough. Next, the baby is too small. Afterwards, the baby is growing, but not big enough.
Finally -- we heard a heartbeat and saw the fetus has arms and legs! We thought we were finally on our way to fulfilling our dream!
However, we weren't out of the woods yet. No, we had one more visit to the IVF clinic, today. Baby looked great growing to size but wait something was missing? The heartbeat. It was gone...
The doctor said it was probably genetic and told us that hope exists in all this: it means that, if we can get this far, we can get further next time.
But do I/we really want to try again? Do we really want to go through all these treatments for another possible heartache again?
This journey has been over three years of heartache and pain and at this moment, and on this day, I, Jamie Turri am FROZEN.
Baby Turri
9 weeks, 2 days old, now in heaven....god bless
