2013 Astrology - A Glimpse of Hope

Scorpio


2013 has your name written all over it, Scorpio. Thirteen is the number of the Death archetype in the tarot card attributed to your sign. It's about the death of the outworn aspects of yourself and your life, while the sunrise of rebirth is always waiting on the horizon. Transformation, metamorphosis, passion and sexuality are all heavily pronounced this year for you. Saturn, the great taskmaster, has taken up long-term residency in your stars until 2015 to give you and your life a complete makeover. Add to this the fact that your ruler, Pluto, is in what is known as a 'mutual reception' with Saturn (mutual influence by means of swapping signs) and the force for rebuilding your life from its very foundation is doubled. This is a year for uncovering your greatest resourcefulness, and relinquishing any skeletons from your psychic closet. Death and rebirth become daily themes as you shed layers upon layers of the former you.
The speed at which your life is moving, evolving and changing is unprecedented, Scorpio. The total whirlwind that began in the latter half of 2012 continues as the eclipse points impact your sign directly. Watch for key events in May and November as signposts for more change to come. There's a good chance you'll change jobs, move, start or end a relationship or simply start an entirely new chapter of your life under this intense influence. Trust that whatever you're putting your passionate energy into this year will indeed build out to something lasting and beautiful.
This could easily be one of the most exhilarating and spiritual years in a long time, Scorpio. Jupiter supports your quest for deep change and self-awareness by working on the Eighth House (Scorpio sector) of your horoscope until June. Delve into your own secret depths and discover how powerful you really are. Few are as tough and resilient as you are. It's actually your sensitivity and vulnerability that make you strong. At the end of the day, you may be the most emotionally courageous sign there is. You heal others by showing them that it's safe to confront their own darkness as you have done. This is the greatest gift and strength you'll be sharing with many in 2013.

Continuing Acupuncture in Buffalo

I met Dr. Lisa 2 days ago while visiting my home town. She is fabulous. Today I had a total of 47 needles;)

Today...Tomorrow!!!

I SAW THIS PICTURE ON THE 

CRACKED EGG SITE TODAY!

Love!

Birthday Wish

Dear Infertility Community,

There is much that infertility takes away and there also is unexpected gifts that are also offered.

The loss that we are sure we are going to continue to feel. That sense, that absolutely knowing sometimes, that this could never work. The dread of not making our parents into grandparents or grandparents into great grandparents! The understanding that our families, our genes could possibly not be continuing on, nor our heritages or lineage.

Except when it works. You start thinking that you know that it will never work. You will never become pregnant... Except that so often, so incredibly frequently, woman do become pregnant. Treatment works and then we do become pregnant. We do have babies. Our families do continue. Our parents become grandparents, grandparents become great grandparents, we become parents, our sisters and brothers become aunts and uncles and often, we watch our children play with their cousins.

Why are we in treatment? Because it can work. Very often. Very frequently. It works. And we become parents.

It is my 34th birthday and I offer up a wish for all infertile couples!

That this is the year we become parents.!

Myths about fertility

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/myths-and-facts.html

Infertility wounds...

Acupuncture Day 1

Fertility acupuncture cues to both men and women suffering from fertility problems. In women, regular acupuncture treatments stimulate the production of follicles by the ovaries. In men, acupuncture improves sperm quality, sperm motility, and sperm count. 

Medical studies have shown how acupuncture treatments can improve the thickness of the uterine lining and facilitate embryo implantation. That's why fertility acupuncture is often recommended to women who had a number of miscarriages or that are going through cycles of in vitro fertilization treatments. 

Acupuncture originated in ancient China thousands of years ago and it is still used successfully today to treat medical conditions and to prevent sickness. It is practiced by inserting needles into the body with the intent of promoting healing. Acupuncture body points, when stimulated by inserting an acupuncture needle, increase energy flow to specific organs. 

I want to "@%!!!" Scream!

What the "#@!" ?

I am so angry. I am so sad. I would no longer like to feel this pain inside me. Last night, I decided that I wasn't going to allow myself to feel this pain. I pulled it together and went to see my nephew perform at his school. He always brings a smile to my face. My husband stayed home - alone. He has his own way of going through this journey. Later that evening, we had a nice dinner filled with laughter and many positive stories with his family. When I found myself in bed next to him around 11PM, I just broke down. I cried so hard.
He said to me, "This could be positive...we will make more eggs and more embryos... " - how can he always be so positive? - I know he holds his pain deep inside. He is so strong. He is my rock.

Let's be honest here. INFERTILITY SUCKS. I "#@!!!! " hate it. I am sick of the ups and the downs. I am over all the medications and all the smiling positive Drs. and people at the fertility clinic. They are taking away all our savings (and family & friends that are helping) and we never get to see a result. Seriously here, I am a positive person. Many who know me will tell you so. With infertility, I cannot seem to be the least bit happy. There are just too many negatives. It is so difficult, yet I know we shouldn't give up!

Unexplained.

That's the diagnosis. That's all they can say. At least if we knew what was wrong, we could understand why we cannot have a baby.


How many times?

How many times do we go through these procedures? We will be starting the 4th in a month or two...

I read these stories of how it can take 10-15 times & it may never happen at all... I think to myself, "That can't be us." We cannot afford that and we cannot make it emotionally that long. It's exhausting.
--
J a m i e

BFN

Today was the blood test...

Just got the phone call...

BFN:(((

Chin Up!

Time for an expresso!

NIGHT OF HOPE

What is the Night of Hope? 
A celebration of the collective dedication to the infertility community.  Hope Awards honor those improving the lives of people with infertility.  The Night of Hope helps Resolve to reach more women and men in need of our support programs and services.

2 lucky charms

Yesterday I received an unexpected call from Sergi our Embryologist.

He said "Good news! We now have frozen two of your remaining embryos that both made it to a Blastocyst!"

I paused. I cried. I called my husband.

Now I have to focus on what will happen next!

3 transferred today!

We ended up transferring 3 of the 8. This is our one chance. Doesn't look like the other 5 will likely develop.

Fingers crossed this is it!

Day 3 transfer

I received a phone call at 8am today from our embryologist that only 2 of the 8 embryos are dividing fast enough. Looks like we are going to do the transfer in 30min. We can only hope some of the remaining 6 make it so they may be frozen...

We await now with faith, hope and a few tears!

8 0f 8 Eggs all grade 2

Good news so far...:) 

8 or 8 are all fertilized and we have the best case scenario to begin with!

Fingers crossed as the mature and develop over the next few days!!!!!

PICTURE OF A NORMAL FERTILIZED EGG BELOW

8 eggs retrieved

Today I am resting. We had 8 eggs retrieved this morning at 9:30.

Snuggling in bed with my fur babies this evening!

Day 10 Retrieval Day Tomorrow 9/20/12

After all of the shots, the big final trigger shot & these beautiful flowers from my little nephews..

 I am ready for tomorrow morning.

We have anticipation, excitement, nervousness & hope!

Follicles are growing!

Day 5
10 follicles
Picture of 3 below!
Hoping to grow 2 more so we will have a good chance to fertilize 6-8 embryos;)

Day One Injections Begin

DAY ONE IVF

My IVF cycle begins with a visit to the office to receive some blood work and an ultrasound.

Later that evening we begin the medication with 3 shots and some mild pain.  Mona my dog was in on the action making sure I was doing OK:)

12 Things You Should NEVER Ask A Woman

Huffington Post on Fertility & What Not to ask a Woman!!!

Friends Inspire Us

Sometimes just a simple text with a few words can lift our spirits more than hug:)

Happy Anniversary/Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the 1st IVF baby Louise Brown!

Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary.  I am so blessed to have a loving husband:)  Today also is the Birthday of Louise Brown!  We wish her a very happy birthday and many more!!!

Unsung Lullabies

Unsung Lullabies

Understanding & Coping with Infertility

_______________________________

This book has truly helped me along this journey...

Family faces

"family faces are magic mirrors looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future."

There is hope...!

Faces of infertility

Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us your peace. Amen.

My fur baby Max!

His love is so unconditional he wants to be by my side everywhere!

BELIEVE

Conception Prayer

A Prayer for The Conception of a Child

Lord, help me to know that You are enough.
Take my eyes off of myself.
Take my eyes off of the child I desire.
Help me to delight myself in You.
Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will.
I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child.
I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You.
Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands.
Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.

Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You.
But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You.
Let me reach out to those around me.
Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.

Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home.
If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan.
Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will.
If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.

Thank You for lifting my burden.
Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!

Fertility Prayer by Jennifer Saake 

How many more times must I see this?

Meditate

Fertility Meditation



 

~ become aware of your breathing

~ rhythmically in and out .. in and out....in and out

~ feel a warm glow arising in your heart in anticipation

~ slowly keep breathing in and out ....

~ feel the presence of spirit

~ feel that your are looked after ...

~ feel like you can let yourself be caught in the wide outstretched arms of an angel

~ feel yourself relax and let go

~ slowly become aware of any ideas that exist within you waiting to be born

~ shift your focus onto what it is that you wish to be born or put into existence at this time

~ feel a creative transformative energy arising from deep within your womb

~ feel its warmth washing over you

~ see yourself welcoming the warmth

~ when you feel that all that can be done is done start coming back into awareness of the space you are in

~ begin to wriggle your feet and hands and touch the floor and bring yourself into the here and now

~ smile:))))

It might work best if you have someone read this fertility meditation to you if you want to meditate with your partner together, my husband and I have been meditating for over a year now and it has helped us relax tremendously.

Watch this!

A Portrait of INFERTILITY by Keiko Zoll

Nightstand

On  
my 
nightstand...

African Fertility Doll - from Mom

Words of Encouragement Book –

    from Cousin

Angel - from Grandma

Cross - from Best Friend

Leaf of Prosperity - from Hubby’s

    Family

What’s on yours?

What is on your reading list?

Words across the miles

When family is far away words of love and inspiration really help!

THANK 

YOU

T I F F I N I

I love you so so much!

Walk On 


Great video with Kellie Coffey song I would like to share that I watched today!

Poem

I would like to share this poem I read today on a site called fertility moon...

The Stir of Ripeness

I have come upon a spell of stillness
out of the mainstream current
a little bay, a sheltered pocket
visited by boat and sea.
The water surges up, searching its mark
carving its furrows, ebbing away.
The bay stretches and resounds
in scalloped rings upon the sands.
Lost to sight now the lone stroke
of the swimmer on the high seas;
the cove curls round its own curve
pondering, brooding, waiting.

I am already making a space
my belly a rich loamy lining
warm hollow, a barrel of grin
a grass-thick valley, a nestful of birds
a bowl of still water, a whirling eddy
a vat full of wine, chalice of grail
an eye full of tear, a bay full of sea
a well earth-deep, a bell of bronze.
The whole of my cupped life
is streaming slowly through me
down the glass-green shaft;
all possibilities and impossibilities
array themselves before me -
I prepare myself to bear a mystery.

trying to conceive poem by
ROSEMARY PALMEIRA

Empty Arms

♥ ‎”There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfulness, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme. If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms.” -Charlotte Bronte

My journey

My journey through infertility is very painful for me and it is a complex medical issue. I feel horrible, empty and broken. It is incredibly hard to focus on my day to day life when I am hurting so much inside. It takes an amazing amount of effort to keep forging through with a smile.:) Please understand that if things were as easy as just relax/you have plenty of time/if it's meant to be and so forth... then infertility simply wouldn’t exist. I have an illness. Infertility is a disease. It affects 1 in 8 couples. Unless you have been there, nothing you can say will fix things. The most supportive thing you can do is smile :), say I love you and I am sorry your going through this… love, J 

 If you want to understand more of what I am going through go to national infertility site http://www.resolve.org/